Take the “Doormat” Sign Off Your Head!

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Part 2 of the Enabling Series.  If you missed part one, read it here.

I’ll start with a little story.

There once was a girl who had to learn how to stop enabling the hard way.  In particular, because she had the word “Doormat” written on her forehead for years.  She was literally unable to say no, regardless of how a situation made her feel.

The problem was that her issue continued to backfire on her.  For example, in high school, she hung out with the wrong crowd.  She hung out with people just because they were cool and seemed fun.  What she didn’t realize then was that they weren’t all true friends.  In fact, years later, she only talks to a minor fraction of them.

She was one of the few girls her age to have a car, a job, and a responsible attitude.  When she realized that she was only getting into trouble hanging out with certain people and backed off, they became her enemies.  The more she said no, the less they liked her.

That girl was obviously me.

Now this happens to be a worst case scenario.  And only one scenario of the many that I’ve dealt with.  However, the point of it is is to prove that regardless of the people who let me down, I survived. Yay!  And I have people in my life now that actually  care about me.

You may be afraid to stand up for yourself because you don’t want to be isolated.  You may be afraid to be judged, unaccepted, or broken up with.  Regardless of your situation, you will survive.

That’s why you have to practice standing up for yourself and saying no.  When you enable others to do you wrong, both of you are actually getting hurt.  Especially you.

There are a few challenges you will have to face:

1. You have to say no.
2. You have to put your foot down.
3. You can’t take garbage from anyone.
4. Sometimes, you have to completely walk away.
5. You have to go against the grain and it won’t be necessarily “cool” with the person, group, or situation you are dealing with.
6. You’ll have to grow a backbone.

Ultimately, if you are making the choice for your own good and the perpetrator chooses not to associate with you anymore, it shows how unimportant you were to them.

You have the opportunity to be an enabler in all sorts of aspects of your life.  The hard part is choosing when not to allow it.  You should only enable what is good for you and your life.  You should never allow anyone to continuously treat you badly.  It’s a very simple decision to make moving forward.  Either you continue allow it or you don’t.  The choice is yours.

I chose to take the “Doormat” sign off my head. 🙂

Is there any aspect in your life where you’ve noticed that you are enabling someone?  What have you decided to do about it today?  Share in the comments below!