Lately I’ve learned so much about how real God is.  As long as I know the realness of God, I have to realize that there is another opposite spectrum.  I constantly have to check myself and remember that since there is a heaven, there is also a hell.  Just like there are angels, there are demons.  I cannot be afraid.  A while ago, I saw a black figure with a hood on sitting at the foot of my bed with its back to me looking as if it was about to take its hood off.  I’ve never seen something that has remained so vivid in my mind.  When I saw that, I quickly closed my eyes again and started to pray.  When I opened my eyes again, it was gone.  I haven’t been able to forget it since but I continued to try to convince myself that it was my eyes playing tricks on me.

I had to finally check myself when I had a conversation with my mom and she told me that it is very real for that to happen.  How can I believe in God and not believe that there are other spirits trying to get into my life?  That’s why I have to constantly remain strong in my faith and not let go.  My husband and I have been doing so well so why wouldn’t the bad try to get in to ruin my marriage?  There’s no point in playing dumb and trying to avoid the facts.  We have to keep God first and keep him close or we will always be vulnerable.

Another thought came into my head.  How can I continue to wish that I were successful and well off when I have never thought about how I will honor God through it?  I’ve never made that priority.  I say I want to help women but how will I bring them to God?  And how can I expect to be successful when I haven’t learned how to completely hold onto God every day of my life?  We all have a lot to learn.  We all have a long way to go.  All I can say is that I have a new commitment to life.  I truly have to be the best person I can be.

Being the best person I can be does not only entail everything that I have overcome in the past.  All of the circumstances I survived through are still not enough.  While I believe I have accomplished a lot amidst the obstacles I’ve conquered, I still have a lot to learn.  I have a true relationship that I need to build with God.  I must say that it has not been easy and it has not come over night.  I know that I am continuously under construction.

We can only grow and help others if we’re willing to grow ourselves.  We can only grow by facing reality and stopping the denial game.  By not facing the truth, all we do is postpose the time it will take for us to achieve true success.  That is my new goal.