Ep 24: 3 Success Strategies for a Meaningful Life

If you’re caught up in the hustle, living in survival mode, and forgot what it is that you truly want, this episode is for you. If you feel a sadness deep inside, but you’re just doing what you need to do to keep going, the three-part system for success shared today will fuel you.  In this episode of Grace for Breakfast I’m going to talk about success from the self-discovery standpoint and I give you 3 success strategies to achieve a meaningful life. 

We’re going to address what success means in your individual season of life- where you’re at right now- and how to achieve the balance that’s specific to you.

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Transcription

Are you caught up in the hustle, living in survival mode, and forgot what it is that you truly want? Do you feel a sadness deep inside, but you’re just doing what you need to do to keep going? In this episode of Grace for Breakfast I’m going to talk about success from the self-discovery standpoint. This is a topic that often makes us all, including me heavy-hearted when I’m challenged in some way. I’m with you on this journey as a grace voyager, talking to myself as I speak to you, navigating each season of life and adapting to the changes and challenges that each moment brings. Because these are the parts of life that we are always revisiting and refining. This episode is not about how to get richer monetarily or how to get the best job. Who doesn’t want that? It’s about uncovering how to have a richer life through overcoming the deep pain we learned to push down but we know is still in there bugging us. We’ll be redefining success today.

 

We’re going to address what success means in your individual season of life- where you’re at right now. Maybe you’re a new mom or dad, newly, still, or happily single. New job, just got fired, new business, struggling business. This is about where you’re at. Because we’re all tempted to measure success by only one standard- monetary success or achievements by a certain time or age. And while some of that is important and something to work toward- because who doesn’t need money or have dreams to accomplish or things they truly wish for- there’s something much more important to keep in mind.

 

Over Thirteen years ago, my plan for success was way different than what it is now. Back then my set plan was to go to law school, practice law for ten years and become a judge. Any time someone asked me what I was studying, I was eager to say, I’m going to be an attorney- and was sure that it’s what I wanted. That was MY perfect plan- the one that I had devised to save myself from any more pain.

 

At that time, I was even okay if I turned out to be a single successful woman, thinking it was possibly “in the cards” for me, especially because it was at that time, I was still very bitter about my past and I was extremely protective of myself, determined that I wouldn’t take heartache from any man. 

 

Interestingly though that glimmer of passion was already there to help people like me who had been broken down in some way and suffered trauma, perhaps stuck in an abusive relationship or some other painful situation they thought they had no way of getting out of. And deep inside me, under the wall I’d built up, I desperately always wanted a close, connected family- it was my childhood dream.

 

At that time I was interning at the public defender’s office in New Haven, Connecticut, making pretty good money for my age, wearing suits and heels every day. I looked the part of a successful young woman. 

 

However, inside, I was broken, hurting, and lonelier than ever so concerned all the time with how the world perceived me. 

 

Look within yourself right now and ask yourself- Am I ignoring the unhappiness I feel? and numbing your pain or if you’ll take the step to join me in exploring how to heal in a different way. Because that healing is what’s going to bring you the success you truly want deep down.

 

I can actually say that I know exactly how you may be feeling because I’ve been there. When you’ve suffered so much that you honestly don’t know if it’s in the cards for you for things to get better. Perhaps you have a lot of what you want. Maybe you’ve got the job, the man. But you don’t have the joy- the connection. You feel so broken inside, bitter, confused, and possibly even think that all this positivity stuff is naive and unrealistic.

 

Well- we often default to pushing harder and working more or keeping our mind off things as the solution. Because were tempted just like most to chase success by the world’s terms. 

 

And the reality is, we’re always in the battle with discomfort arising again and again in new ways as life changes. But this is for us to learn and grow and also FULLY RELY on God. 

 

And oftentimes the fear still grips us and the anxiety starts to seep in. We will always be in this battle. I’m not going to sugarcoat that for you. 

 

The question is- will you learn to fight the right way? Will you stop thinking that it’s ALL ON YOU to figure it out? Will you dig into what’s really causing your pain, your anger, the fear, the social anxiety, whatever it is you’re going through at this very moment?

 

Because as you start to look at these parts of you, you’ll get to experience and see success in a way that you never imagined. Success that you can actually enjoy because you’re at peace in your mind and in your emotions.

 

It’s possible that right now, life is so frustrating that you’re basically just coping with it. You may be caught up in a routine that you hate but feel like you’re stuck with and so- you cope with it. You go through your day, deal with the junk you deal with, and then you go eat, shop, smoke, drink a glass or three of wine, go to bed, and do the same thing the next day. It is possible to live your life without having to COPE with your life. Did you know that you don’t always need to use anything or do a certain thing to cope? Right now Culture is changing so much that some things are normalized when they’re not healthy for everyone.  I respect everyones differences but I still don’t believe everyone should go after the same solutions- just because they’re what everyone does.

Because numbing the pain we feel from lack of satisfaction is only temporary. In fact, the aftermath is often worst and this stuff gets expensive!

 

There’s things I used to do. But I came to a point that I got sick of the cycle I was in and decided to go all in on keeping my mind free and clear of numbness and distraction. It aint easy at first but the outcome brought growth rather than wasting years away in the same cycle.

So what does success really mean for you? And what has it been meaning to you in the past? Have you been holding onto earthly success, meaning your job, your bank account, or your wardrobe, what’s on the news as your way to achieve peace? 

 

And are you willing to look deeply at what success really means?

 

So let’s talk about the definition.

 

Success comes from what you’re seeking, what your focus is on. Whatever you put your focus on is where you achieve success. The question is, are your focusing on the right thing? What are you allowing to crumble behind or fall off balance in your pursuit of success?

 

Now lets redefine success as it pertains to a life of meaning.

 

“SUCCESS IS PEACE OF MIND WHICH IS A DIRECT RESULT OF SELF-SATISFACTION IN KNOWING YOU MADE THE EFFORT TO BECOME THE BEST YOU ARE CAPABLE OF BECOMING.”

– John Wooden

 

The goal is BALANCED SUCCESS with your endeavors also promoting peace of mind and self-satisfaction. Because you can’t call yourself successful if yeah, you have tons of money in the bank but your marriage is suffering, your kids are out of control, your wife is hurting deeply, or the people you love are walking on eggshells around you afraid of when you’re going to snap. Is that success really?

 

And this is not for you to feel guilty about the past. Look at this as an opportunity for you to think and respond differently. An opportunity for you to simply shift what you’re aiming at. One small shift at a time is how you achieve balance. It doesn’t come all at once. It hasn’t come all at once for me either. There are still many ways in which I’m being sharpened and will continue to be sharpened throughout my life.

 

And in that, that’s why I believe that there are Seasons of Success. We’re working on different things in different areas of our lives as time passes. The point is to always stay in that place of self-discovery and asking yourself- and God- about where there’s need for growth during this new season. It’s not up to YOU to come up with the outcome all the time. That’s probably why you’re not where you want to be. Because you keep thinking it’s ALL ON YOU! This is why last season was all about getting in the habit of surrender.

 

Success Strategies- How to see success in your life

Let’s move on to some success strategies now. I’m going to share a three part system to keep you encouraged and fueled as you pursue success in what matters to you. And before I share it, I want you to take a bite of humble pie because some stuff may seem so basic to you. The reality is that most of us aren’t doing the basic things on a consistent basis because we don’t see them as important enough and that’s why we are failing!

 

First, move on from the past. To move on means to progress. You have not moved on from the past if you have successfully stuffed or buried your feelings.. It means to release it. If you have not done the inner work required to fully heal it you have not really moved on. An important note now to those who believe they’ve done the inner work now. If you find yourself getting defensive or protective, defending yourself saying I’ve done the work or I dealt with that already or I know that already, you probably still have work to do. Because the feelings arent flowing freely. You’re still a little stuck. There’s still some pride going on there. There still isn’t full peace there by those types of reactions. Because you’re still trying to protect yourself. Why would you have to protect yourself if you feel safe?

 

Your mind doesn’t forget what you’ve been through and therefore, it keeps reacting to past events- even if you’re not dealing with them anymore- if you don’t fully heal the pain that came from them. I’m planning on doing an episode on this specifically but I did want to highlight it here. The point for now is, you need to move on to fully Look ahead and keep moving towards your goals. I’m teaching these tactics in the grace voyager collective. Head to gracevoyagers.com to join.

 

Second, realize the progress you’ve made. Oftentimes, especially if you’re an ambitious person, we stay in this place of longing. Longing for more, wanting to get out of the current situation. I struggle with that personally. The remedies for that are gratitude and contentment. Be grateful and recognize how far you’ve come. Not just simple gratitude- praise God for how far you’ve come. Because you are not invincible and you didn’t get this far alone. There were people and opportunities that were placed specifically for you in your life that perhaps, you haven’t been grateful for. Now by default, there’s certain things we use as measurements for success. You know what those are for you. Don’t look at just those though. Look at your life as a whole. You’ll find that you’ve been harder on yourself than you should’ve and pulling your self worth from the wrong place. You are worth so much more than you thought, capable of so much more, and more supported than you’ve been feeling!

 

With gratitude, I have to mention contentment because lack of contentment can often cause us to feel unhappy with where were at, as in where were working, living, what were driving, how our husband or wife acts. And this is a hairy topic especially if you’re ambitious and impatient like me. I don’t ever want you to confuse contentment with stopping your ambition. But I do believe we can find more peace in the now when we choose to be content with what we have right now and nurture it as we pursue success in whatever area were working on. Remember we have to be faithful with the small things and that gratitude simply expands our capacity for more. Why should you have more if you’re ungrateful for what you have right now?

 

By realizing your progress as in how far you’ve come – through gratitude and contentment, you can really give yourself grace in whatever season of success you’re in. 

 

So hold onto the progress you’ve made. Oftentimes, we think we haven’t made progress because our goal is perfection. And what we have to realize is that perfection, being flawless, can’t be the goal-  it’s about achieving maturity. When you look at progress through the light of maturity, it becomes about growth and responding based on experience and wisdom.

 

The third and final part I’ll share today is to take risks and trust that all will work together for good. You were not meant to do this alone. God wants us to fully rely on him. When we do, things fall into place in a much better way than how we try to do it. Because if what you’re pursuing is good and honorable, then it’s gonna work out no matter what. You can screw up, fall on your face, make mistakes, but no matter what, it’s going to work out just not YOUR WAY. This is probably the hardest “strategy” to grasp but it’s in the biggest steps of faith we take that we experience the best of life. 

 

Recently, my husband and I have been asked to participate in a humanitarian/mission trip in a part of the world that we never even saw as an option. We financially didn’t even see it as an option so we didn’t sign up to go. But someone saw something in us a long time ago and came to us and said, your family needs to go and I want to cover half the cost. We were just minding our own business being who we are. But now we’re taking a step of faith and trusting that the money will come to cover the other half and trusting that it will work out for the good. 

 

It’s up to us to trust, pray, and do our part to also make it happen. But if we choose to be scared and look at it from a place of scarcity, of course it’s not going to happen! 

 

That’s why success takes risks, HUMILITY, and trust. Believing that all our needs will be taken care of. It seems like a lot but its about a continuous redirection and refocus in mindset. It’s redirecting your mind to trust and surrender on a daily and sometimes moment to moment basis. 

 

When that trust level is low, pray. When you’re feeling too down to pray, think of what your grateful for and what God has already done in your life.

 

Now lets move onto some reflection so we can further bring this topic home. Now I’ve talked to you about redefining success, I’ve shared some strategies with you to keep you fueled and always in reflection, and now let’s implement this knowledge.

 

Reflection Questions to ask yourself

 

I’ve got 5 questions for you to reflect on this week now so get your journal out.

Write these down.

 

What have I been ignoring as I strive for monetary success? (Me personally, I’ve been ignoring the fact that I have always been favored. We’re always showered with God’s grace in every part of our lives but we’re too caught in fear and stress to notice. Don’t allow your pain to get you bitter. We always have what we need. And I truly fully believe that the same grace, as in unmerited favor, is just as available to you as it is to me)

 

What do I wish was better in my life?

 

What am I using to cope with my pain? Is it healthy and does it make me feel good?

 

What do I need to let go of to be at my maximum potential to achieve success in that area?

 

What do I need to believe (about myself, that will happen) to achieve success in that area?