I twiddled my thumbs as I waited for it to be my turn to speak. I was not looking forward to it. My heart pounded as the person whose turn it was before me spoke. In my mind, I practiced my words. How would I phrase it? What words should I use? Should I just come out confidently and say it? I should fix my posture a little. I’ll put a big smile on my face when I say it. Nope, I’ll just put a little attitude into it. Oh man, should I say it? I’ll just keep it to myself.
“Iviana, what have you been up to for the past few months?”
My palms got sweaty. “Well, I kind of started doing photography and I’ve been helping people get healthy and stuff like that.”
What just came out of me?! I started doing photography?! I’ve been a photographer for years! I just officially went into business- that’s what happened. Why didn’t I say I’m a Health & Fitness Coach? Why am I so scared of what they think? Oh man, can I rephrase that whole sentence? Can I start all over? It was too late.
The questions and comments started pouring in.
“Oh that’s….nice.”
“You started a little business, huh. Hm.”
“What are you going to do about your kids?”
“Aren’t you busy as it is?”
“What does your hubby think about that?”
“So you’re just gonna let your Masters Degree go to waste? You’re not going to use it?”
The fact of the matter is that none of that matters.
I’ve been waiting to write this for a while and felt as though today was the perfect time to send it to you. It’s such a common issue to encounter from day to day life. The people nearest and dearest to you will be the ones who fill you with the most doubt.
You’ve started a new endeavor.
You made an important decision.
You made a big purchase.
Whatever you’ve done, there’s a comment you’ll have to endure, a judgement, a “shame on you”, a puzzled look. You want them to be happy for you but sometimes, when you need it the most, the people in your life won’t support you. That’s why you need to have Confidence, put this right into perspective, and remind yourself of these things when people don’t support you:
1. You’re success relies on YOUR efforts.
Many will be there to comment, shame, or doubt you. It’s up to you to keep going. They will not be there to wake you up and push you in the morning. They will not always be there to hold your hand and support you. It’s up to you to make your success a priority.
2. You have ONE LIFE to live.
Naturally, my personality is one that I don’t like to hurt anyone, offend them, or see them sad. I’d rather put the needs of someone else before mine. However, it has caused me a lot of pain because I’ve neglected myself in the process. I spent a big part of my life being worried about pleasing everyone around me but myself. I’m finally learning that if I continue acting that way at all times, I will deny myself of the blessings that God has given me to pursue and live out my purpose.
3. Insecurity influences negativity.
A lot of times when someone reacts negatively to your success they are reacting out of insecurity. Maybe there’s something that they dream of doing but are afraid to. They may wish they were doing what you are. They may have fear of the unknown as to how they relate to you. (For example: You’ve decided to move out of your mother’s house to go to college. She reacts negatively instead of being happy for you out of fear of losing her relationship with you or inability to protect you.)
4. You have to be clear.
Just like the story I mentioned in the beginning. When someone reacts with comments, questions, judgment, or negativity, it may be out of misunderstanding. Be ready and willing to provide details if need be. For example, if my husband doesn’t know all of the details about a situation he doesn’t feel fully comfortable with it. He simply has an analytical personality. While I prefer to be straight to the point and get on with my day, I take the time to explain details to him so that he can, in turn, support me to his fullest extent.
5. Confidence is key.
If you’re not confident about what you’re talking about, neither is the person on the receiving end. Feelings can be sensed by others and rubbed off onto them. If you don’t feel confident about something, practice saying it confidently in the mirror. When I started my business, I had to stand in the mirror repeating what I do in the mirror until it rolled off my tongue. Now you try it.
So next time you are in a position where someone doesn’t support you don’t be discouraged. Don’t be quick to judge either. Everyone is encountering their own battles inside and may react differently than what you expect them to. Be Confident in your decisions and think about reactions from different angles before you let them affect you.
I do hope that you’re stepping out with Courage, Confidence, and Character as I’m on the same journey with you. Will you join me?
Until next time, I hope that this week brings you to moments when you step out in faith. 🙂
Love,
